ENFP Disagreements

So I’ve taken that Myers Brigg’s test who knows how many times. I always get ENFP. “Andrea, if you keep getting ENFP, then why do you keep taking it?” You know what? That’s a great question. I honestly don’t know why. I think I’m just drawn to the percentages because those are the only things that change.

Anyway, there’s a lot of stuff online about each personality type… so so so so many stuff. While I agree with a lot of what I’ve read about ENFP… there’s a lot that I don’t agree with. There are so many factors that can describe you as a person such as culture, the way your were raised, where you were raised, childhood trauma perhaps, beliefs, lifestyle…etc. I believe in the growth mentality and the ability to become a better person, so I don’t believe that this test should be used as an excuse to not do something positive. That “Oh, I can’t change that because I’m an XXXX” is a bunch of boloney (or is it spelled “bologna”?). I just write this as a reminder: These four letters do not represent you nor define you, they merely describe. Take this post with a grain of salt. I do, however, really feel that we should be careful to not end up molding ourselves to what these letters say we are expected to be.

Now, with that being said, don’t get me wrong, I do really love this personality test, in fact, I’m some kind of nerd. (I’m especially fond of the Cognitive Functions. I’m more into those than the actual stereotypes) Still, just because I disagree with certain ENFP stereotypes doesn’t mean I’m not typed as one. I think this will also prove that this test, although loads of fun, is not going to be 100% accurate all the time, why? Because we humans are waaaay more complex and this is simply one factor out of many that make us who we are. Anyway, here are some things I don’t agree about my type.

ENFPs are afraid of commitment. So it’s funny because I have a friend who always asks questions and about 80% of the time (random statistic), I always answer with “it depends”. Maybe this is true for other ENFPs, and at the same time, it can also be true for most people in general. Would you commit to something you aren’t sure about? Probably not. Yes, I tend to have a “what if there is better” mentality, but that is different when it comes to relationships with others and my beliefs. When I do commit, I’m in all the way forever and ever. It may take a while to commit all the way, but that’s because my brain will think of every possible scenario where it will work, and also where it might not and if there is even a way to make those “might nots” into a “totally doable”. It’s not the fear of commitment, it’s the fear of committing to that something or that someone who will end up being totally bad for me, or me for them, and not realizing this until it’s too far along and too late.

ENFPs wear their heart on their sleeve. This one is interesting. I grew up in a household where you do not show how you feel, or there was a sort of fear of being vulnerable., unless watching a movie. Movies tend to be fiction and my reaction to it won’t hurt anyone. I’m always crying with movies.
I fear that my facial reaction may hurt someone’s feelings even if they’re the ones who are hurting me. On the other hand, if I know someone is trying to make me feel bad intentionally, I won’t show it because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of them realizing that they have accomplished their goal. I do not wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear my sleeve over my heart. I will only go “sleeveless” when I’m around those who truly care and I trust. I think there’s a difference between being animated and being open with your emotions. I think we just tend to be very good at making others feel like we are a open book.

ENFPs are in love with INTJ. This one is one of the most annoying ones. I keep seeing sooo many memes and other comics about how much ENFPs love INTJs. So, I do think INTJs are wonderful. The one’s I’ve met have been super smart and awesome and I love having a good conversation with them and we’ll hang out and have fun, but that’s about it. I love all sorts of personalities. They say that ENFPs and INFJs are also a great match. I can attest to this one since I have many INFJ friends, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll fall in love with every INFJ guy I meet either. I can understand why they keep typing INxJ as the ENFPs natural partner, but I don’t think basing yourselves solely on personality is the best way to choose a life partner. Yes, you have to like their personality, but it goes beyond that. Liking someone by their personality I think is the same level as liking someone’s physical appearance; you don’t know their values right away, nor do you know about their needs and what they can offer and you don’t know if you’d be able to cater to their needs.

The way I see it: let’s say you are trying to build a building. You can have a hammer, and have great chemistry with someone with a screwdriver, but they aren’t building a building, they’re building a bike. Or maybe you meet someone who is also working on a building, but they also have a hammer. If you have a hammer working on a building, you need someone who is also working on the building, but has a screwdriver (or whatever tools of your choice that work together). Maybe personality coincidentally plays a role in many cases and a lot of times it’s really cool when it does because in theory it’s fun to have that fun validation and feel like “we’re perfect for each other”, but when you find that special “screwdriver”, you will love and cherish them for being them and not primarily for a set of letters.

ENFPs are often confused as flirts. This one actually horrifies me. I really hope that I’m not being thought of as a flirt. I’ve asked my friends if I come off that way and they have told me that I don’t at all. Still, I can never be sure. I get very excited when I click with people and I think depending on the person, it might come off as me taking too much of an interest in them. I’ll ask a lot of questions and love to keep the conversation going, but I try to make sure that I’m coming off as friendly, I’m just friendly and have no control over how I am being perceived. Besides, if there is any attraction, I’ll probably just run away in panic or act like a total fool… which leads to the last one.

ENFPs have more than one crush at a time. Are you kidding? I can’t even keep track of one crush. It also takes me weeks, maybe even months to finally accept that I have a crush on someone, let alone two! I have only ever had one crush at a time. I mean, yeah, I’ll find multiple people attractive, but that doesn’t mean I like them. The good news is that I don’t crush very easily, the bad news is that when I do accept that I like someone, it will take a good while for me to get over them. As I’ve gotten older, however, it’s gotten harder for me to start liking anyone which really does feel nice. My energy and focus is distributed into a lot of other really cool things and I very much like that. Oh! I’ve also read stuff like “ENFPs love having crushes”. Are you kidding me? Who in their right mind enjoys that mental torture? I mean, yeah, maybe they’ll inspire a lot of embarrassing and cheesy poems that eventually get torn up and burnt out of the cringe… besides that, nope. I hated having them. I absolutely love the peace of getting older because I have greater control and I don’t have to worry about crushes like I did when I was younger.

As an added fact, I love to analyze people and guess their personality type, not because I’m trying to be creepy or weird, but when I figure out their type, it’s so much fun observing them and analyzing how they use their cognitive functions. Just because two people are the same type, doesn’t mean they will use their functions the same way. It’s still so subjective to their upbringing and environment. People genuinely fascinate me and the reason this test is so fun is because I am stimulated by the endless, subjective experiences of life. Using this test as a tool, I feel like I’m vicariously experiencing someone else’s life; I really love my life, but I still marvel at the concept that each person is experiencing life in a totally different way than I, and all I can do is imagine it using my own limited knowledge and experiences embedded in me.

More on that later.

Random collage I made. Don’t know why, but I felt like it just went with this post.

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